A fool...
In these past few days, I keep on thinking. Am I a fool? I can’t stop thinking. Sometimes, I will have a thought like “Did I hurt his/her feeling?” “Am I doing the right thing?” Heck, what is the right thing? In my whole life, I keep thinking on people feelings before I do something. And sometimes I can totally ignore other people feeling and proceed. What is this? U know, sometimes, people ask me to do a favor, if that is accomplishable I will do it. But, this sometimes depends on whom is asking. Some people can somehow ask me to do something which I dun like to do. I dunno why. Somehow they manage to influence me to do it. As a fool, I do it as they requested. I can’t even think of a way to reject it. Is this because my nature is “Too Good as a Fool”?. Sometimes, or maybe most of the times, I wont get any reward for helping them. Mostly I can get is “Thank You”. Some even dun say a word. Like I am born to serve them.
I admire the spirit of a samurai. They code ask them to do good deeds and such. Not only the samurai, but also the Chinese martial artist ETHIC which ask you to “fight the evil to protect the weak”. I am really fond to those ethics. While my father also brainwash me in a way that I won’t blindly follow those “way”. Well, I always like to tell myself that “Do not follow wat people tell you, process in your mind then only decide”. That is what I did. Still, after a long time practicing my own way of living as helpful people as possible, I kinda find something. I kinda have these feeling that thinking myself to be too “soft-hearted”. That why I can’t be a leader. I don’t like to make difficult choice. I use to think this word when I preparing for my Samurai audition
“Why a profit must always be measure as money? Why not knowledge? If everyone also have a mind set to “Take” rather then “Give”, where those taker gonna take from? I decided to be one of the “Give”. “
After a while of thinking while writing this blog, I began to think again “Yes, indeed I am a fool”. The second personality, which has slept for a long time, awoke again. He said to me “Why? Tired to be a “fool””. He sound so sarcastic. He was created as an opposite of me. Still I manage to take charge because I am still the dominant personality, this personality is not strong enough to make things happen. In this past year, he also got influence of my foolishness. He said “ Every time when I woke up, there must be some trouble in u”. Yes, he knew, every time when my mind is in trouble he will wake up from slept. Why I must be the good guy? A foolish good guy? What I will get? Last time, I used to think this way.
“Doing good deeds is not necessary asking for reward. Reward will come to u when times comes. Reward is not be necessary be money, it can be a lot of forms”
Why, I think that way? I am such a fool. People ask me to fetch them here and there, I will say “ok”. People ask me to help them buy this and that, I will say “ok”. People ask me to return call because they bill is high, I will say “ok”. “Joe, my pc got prob la, can come on Tuesday and help me”, I say OK. “Hey, my car broke down, can fetch me tomorrow” I say OK.”Hey, I go to next counter for a while, you stay here watch for me OK? I say OK.
After A long thinking. I decided to let Jokaar to Kill Vincent. I hope that somehow I can die while Jokaar takeover me. I am tired to be a FOOL. Yes, I am tired of this. I want to be the BAD guy whom I always have imagine in some of my “Amazing Stories”. I really hoped I can be like them. They are the so-called “DEVIL” which they can do anything they like without any humanity in their mind. Also, those girl which last time I love, I have to put an END to it. Why must I waste my time to please them? Why dun they please me back instead? It was the foolish thing I made every time I wanna court a girl. I guess this is unfair. To hell with my “Fair doesn’t exist, only Balance” theory. I want fairness’, now I decided NOT to be a “Fool Vincent” on this.. In the time being, I am not gonna put any FEELINGs on girls. I dun wanna waste my time, energy, life, resources and BLA BLA on this. From today on, I just wanna ENJOY my life and only CARE for MYSELF. Hopefully, Vincent can DIE while Jokaar LIVES!
I admire the spirit of a samurai. They code ask them to do good deeds and such. Not only the samurai, but also the Chinese martial artist ETHIC which ask you to “fight the evil to protect the weak”. I am really fond to those ethics. While my father also brainwash me in a way that I won’t blindly follow those “way”. Well, I always like to tell myself that “Do not follow wat people tell you, process in your mind then only decide”. That is what I did. Still, after a long time practicing my own way of living as helpful people as possible, I kinda find something. I kinda have these feeling that thinking myself to be too “soft-hearted”. That why I can’t be a leader. I don’t like to make difficult choice. I use to think this word when I preparing for my Samurai audition
“Why a profit must always be measure as money? Why not knowledge? If everyone also have a mind set to “Take” rather then “Give”, where those taker gonna take from? I decided to be one of the “Give”. “
After a while of thinking while writing this blog, I began to think again “Yes, indeed I am a fool”. The second personality, which has slept for a long time, awoke again. He said to me “Why? Tired to be a “fool””. He sound so sarcastic. He was created as an opposite of me. Still I manage to take charge because I am still the dominant personality, this personality is not strong enough to make things happen. In this past year, he also got influence of my foolishness. He said “ Every time when I woke up, there must be some trouble in u”. Yes, he knew, every time when my mind is in trouble he will wake up from slept. Why I must be the good guy? A foolish good guy? What I will get? Last time, I used to think this way.
“Doing good deeds is not necessary asking for reward. Reward will come to u when times comes. Reward is not be necessary be money, it can be a lot of forms”
Why, I think that way? I am such a fool. People ask me to fetch them here and there, I will say “ok”. People ask me to help them buy this and that, I will say “ok”. People ask me to return call because they bill is high, I will say “ok”. “Joe, my pc got prob la, can come on Tuesday and help me”, I say OK. “Hey, my car broke down, can fetch me tomorrow” I say OK.”Hey, I go to next counter for a while, you stay here watch for me OK? I say OK.
After A long thinking. I decided to let Jokaar to Kill Vincent. I hope that somehow I can die while Jokaar takeover me. I am tired to be a FOOL. Yes, I am tired of this. I want to be the BAD guy whom I always have imagine in some of my “Amazing Stories”. I really hoped I can be like them. They are the so-called “DEVIL” which they can do anything they like without any humanity in their mind. Also, those girl which last time I love, I have to put an END to it. Why must I waste my time to please them? Why dun they please me back instead? It was the foolish thing I made every time I wanna court a girl. I guess this is unfair. To hell with my “Fair doesn’t exist, only Balance” theory. I want fairness’, now I decided NOT to be a “Fool Vincent” on this.. In the time being, I am not gonna put any FEELINGs on girls. I dun wanna waste my time, energy, life, resources and BLA BLA on this. From today on, I just wanna ENJOY my life and only CARE for MYSELF. Hopefully, Vincent can DIE while Jokaar LIVES!
posted by Vincent at 10:04 PM
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