Nice Guy Syndrome

Although this is a C&P work, but this is something I like to share. I believe I also fall to this category. This copyright belongs to Geminist from LowYat.Net forum member.

“All this while until recently, I have been hearing statements and complaints regarding why that nice guys never get the girl or why nice guys always ended up being an emergency number to the girl. Most of the time, the nice guys out there are complaining as in why each time they treat a girl nice, in the end the girl will end up saying “I prefer you as a friend” or similar things. However, I somehow can relate to their frustration regarding this matter as I used to be one of the people that fall in the nice guy categories. Having thoughts and thoughts after why and how can I suffer in my relationship with women regardless of how nice I am trying to be, I finally found the light at the end of the tunnel and these are some of the reasons why nice guy can’t get the girls the dreamt of. Personally, I have labeled the main cause of this problem as the Nice Guy Syndrome.

Why nice guy?

Most of the time, one of the main misconception guys have regarding getting a girl is that, being as nice as possible will get you the girl. Well, there is a little (really, it’s just little) truth behind this. However, most of the time, the outcome of being as nice as possible to a girl will just end a guy up being just friends. In the end, the nice guy will start to ponder upon what he has done wrong.

To make things simple, there is absolutely no wrong in being nice to the girl, in fact, I believe guys should treat girls with respect and not just view them as a sex object (blame it on the hormones though). However, the first common mistake guys make is that, they try to be nice to the girls in the very beginning.

Take for example a relatively beautiful girl, being beautiful, she must had a lot of compliments and a lot of guys trying to get near to her by being nice to her, complimenting on her beauty and others. Well, if you have been experiencing this for half or maybe a quarter of your life, you will definitely be bored by this. In addition, girls seem to be very sharp in their observation of a man’s body language and tones, therefore when a man is getting heads over heels for the girl, she can tell. Well, I believe even most people can tell when a man is making a fool out of themselves in front of a girl. Just take a night off the mamak stalls and visit a popular club, just sit and observe how man are behaving when their primal instincts spot a beautiful lady. You can obviously tell that the man is trying his very best to get the girls attention or phone number. This is where all the mistakes start.

Mr Nice Guy 1 – The Yes Guy
Have you ever noticed that when a man is trying to go after a girl, he doesn’t seem to give the girl a “no” for an answer. You can tell by calling him up by 2 am and tell him that you wanted to eat supper, my bet is that, he will say yes and get you the supper.

Mr Nice Guy 2 – The Good Guy
Imagine this, you were out with a group of friends, and suddenly the guy was teasing a girl about her new hair style, her cloth or anything about her, then suddenly, another guy will pop out and say, “Don’t worry, your cloth looks nice,” or “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault”. Well, this is generally the guy trying to play the good guy.

Mr Nice Guy 3 – The ATM Guy
This is yet another sad story, some of the guys out there believe that by providing the girl with things that she needs or things that she doesn’t need, she can win the girl’s heart. Well, in relative terms, yes he can, but somehow, their relationship involves cash more than heart as somehow, the guy had become a provider to the girl and as for the girl, the guy is her genie to make her wishes upon.

Mr Nice Guy 4 – The Doormat Guy
This is by far one of the worst case in the nice guy syndrome, some of the guys out there believe that by fulfilling all the wishes of the girl (cleaning her apartment, fetching her, buying her gifts, helping her every requests and etc), he can actually wins the girl’s heart. Well, reality check says that this is not in any way true. Most of the time, one of the most common response is that The Doormat Guy will only get this statement “I prefer you as my best friend” or “You are really a nice friend”.

Mr Nice Guy 5 – The Needy Guy
Lastly, this is also one of the main problems why nice guy don’t get girls. Most of the time, when a man falls for a woman, he will soon starts to behave in a clingy matter where he will look for the girl almost everyday and every minute and every second. He will leave message like, “I really wish to see you again, are you free tonight” and others. Well, this is not good because my failure told me that, the clingier or the closer you are trying to get to her, the more you are going to repel her away.

Generally, this is the 5 main type of the Nice Guy Syndrome. Somehow, we can’t blame the woman for *ahem* using these poor man due to the fact where, well, basically, these man offered themselves as sacrifice.

I was once a victim of the nice guy syndrome for many years, however, by reading more and more books or articles, I found out 3 basic ways that may actually increase my chances with woman.

1) Do not, I repeat myself, DO NOT ever attempt to be nice all the time. Nice is general term, to be more specific, nice is being divided into two categories which is nice as in chivalry and nice as in loser. In all those movies, we always see the man protecting the woman, this is not implying that woman are weaker, it is just that the fact of “The man must protect the woman” had been implemented in our mind since we were born. The main thing about chivalry is that the man will open the door for a woman, pull out her seats, offers her a life home and others. On the other hand, the latter nice guy will try to be nice because he is afraid that he might upset the girl, therefore, whenever there is any request/s, the man will try his best to cope with the requests. This is definitely something worth NOT doing at any cost.

2) Another problem of nice guy is that, nice guys are boring. I believe most of us may agree upon this. Have you ever come across a guy who doesn’t say anything even though you are teasing him, or the guy who only constantly tell you how good or how stunning you are. Well, in the short term, this may seem pleasing to the girl as it reinforces the girl’s self image. However, if the girl has been hearing all these compliments since she started getting her attention, don’t you think it is boring then?

3) Do not afraid to have fun with the woman. Somehow, woman is very sensitive in words, body languages and tones. Therefore, they can tell obviously whether a man is lying or joking. Therefore, stop being afraid and start having a little spark in your conversation. Instead of saying too much good things like “You are really pretty” or “You are the greatest woman I have ever seen”, try adding some creativity into your everyday conversation. Hear are some of the example I have used in my conversation. When a girl calls me by tapping in the hand, the shoulder or anywhere else, the first thing I will do is not to answer her but to give her a shocking look followed by telling her in a serious manner “Ah, why are you so desperate that you actually harassed me sexually?”. This may seem to be a shocking reply, but somehow, it magically makes the girls laughed. After some thinking, I believe that this made the girl smile because in the very first place, the girl can tell that this is just a joke.

4) Lastly, do not be overly clingy to a girl. I understand that when we are struck by love, we wish to see her every now and then, however, please refrain yourself from doing so. This is because you’ll be portraying to her that you are needy and clingy as you do not have a life yourself. When you fall for a woman, the best way to avoid making mistake is that, stop calling up when you have nothing better to say (I believe most of us had experience how awkward it is when you have nothing better to say on the phone, and YET, you do not want to let go of the phone), stop acting clingy and needy and most importantly, continue to hang out with your friends. Somehow, when a guy is acting needy and clings to one girl, he will repel the girl away, on the other hand, when the guy doesn’t clings to her and has many friends, this actually might show that he is a hot catch and most importantly, he is interesting. “

Author: Geminist of Low Yat.NET forummer link